validation

I'm gonna admit it, I make the mistake of looking for validation from others over and over again.  In their eyes I want to be smart, capable, lovable, spiritual, kind....the list goes on and on.  Each and every time I am aware I am doing that I have to secretly disqualify myself; because no matter what another says, I have an argument for them.  After all, I know everything that goes on inside of this skin! Sounds irrational, I know, but leads me to my little exploration this evening.

Every time I've given a performance I've been the harshest critic while accepting external compliments.  When I've given an exceptional performance, given my all, been drunk on the gift of flow from the Universe, I know it.  I know it as I am doing it, not before or after.  It is the gift of being entirely present and authentic, and that is the most incredible kind of validation there is.

A couple of weeks ago I submitted a portfolio for consideration to be accepted (or not) as an Arts & Crafts Artist vendor in a local, annual festival.  It's the largest festival I've submitted to, and only the second one I've submitted to.  I'm still a rookie is what I'm saying.  I've been busy becoming a jewelry artist for several years now, just like I did long ago as a musician.  I was hopeful, but willing to accept that my work can't yet compete in such an arena.

Yesterday, I skipped joyfully from the mailbox to my door, acceptance letter in hand!  That, my friends, is validation.  I am who I say I am, not who I hope someone else says I am. And that matters so much.  

Kerstin