'Its a stretch.' 'Shes trying to stretch her budget.' 'Stretch before you work out.' 'Can you stretch it a little bit longer?' Stretch is a funny word (particularly when you type or say it repeatedly - I had to double check my spelling and meaning after a few times), and applicable in so many ways.
I'm working through a physical problem currently, "plantar fasciitis". It hurts. Cursory stretching doesn't do the trick for the heel pain; thoughtful, deep, and multiple stretches per day are much more effective. The physical stretching has me thinking about internal stretching.
A couple of years ago I don't think walking The Camino would've entered my realm of possibility thinking. Too much of a stretch. I'm cracking myself up as I type, if you must know. I would've dismissed the idea as something other people do. The moment I felt that little spark of delight, of romantic wonder, of feeling the little tug of desire to walk The Camino I began to stretch internally in ways I hadn't before that imagined.
I believe in myself differently - many friends don't understand why I am going to do this, and why I want to walk for four or five weeks alone - and as humans we are very susceptible to the opinions of others; this reaction from others hasn't affected my thinking or desire. It seems like in a different time in my life their influence would've been much stronger.... Because I hadn't done any stretching.
So if you're reading this and you're on the fence about something that matters to you - stretch!
Kerstin
Thursday, January 9, 2014
Saturday, January 4, 2014
i did it!
Mid-May; USA to France.
Early July: Spain to the USA
In just about every scenario that includes a sense of wonder; of marvel - there are as many perspectives as there are humans that are aware of it. When I finished purchasing my airline tickets on the internet to get to and from my real destination - my camino - the very next sensation was being aware of the trails that my own tears left on my cheeks- that slight stinging of salt on skin leaving a slightly cool and sticky trail. There is the awareness (again and again) that I alone decide whether or not to step closer to what I imagine, whatever that may be. My joy was so profound at taking this step that my body reacted physically. Whoa.
Some of the reactions I've gotten from loved ones remind me that we have forgotten in the last hundred years or so how amazing our physical bodies are; who in this world can walk 5 or 6 hours a day? Nearly all of us. We just don't think like that! Millions of human beings through time have used their bodies to get from here to there no matter the distance.
For me, the beginning and ending are far less important than the days in between. I'm interested in knowing how I react and respond to challenge beyond what I know. I'm interested in learning first hand what happens when I bank on faith; in the Universe, God, humankind and myself to get up in the morning and walk 15 or so miles and do that each morning until there are 500 miles across the unknown etched into my physical body and more importantly, my spiritual body.
It's the 4th of January 2014; 5 months and 10 days til I'm off - I did it - I purchased my tickets. Yay, me!
Kerstin
Tuesday, November 19, 2013
introspective vs gregarious
I've spent countless hours behind a microphone and a piano with others before me, facing me. I've spent countless hours quietly writing or trying to write. I've been the life of the party; I've been a party of one. I've been introspective in a crowd learning to listen to and share my heart and I've been gregarious in my solitude....wanting to find and feel my tribe. In either case, the connective energy seems to be the goal; the connection to others, the connection to our journey; our soul; our Self. The energy created through connection is more satisfying than most anything I can think of as I write.
In quiet ways we seek meaning and understanding; in louder ways we seek those who seem to understand and be interested in our journey. They're not so distant, introspection and gregariousness. Even the most opinionated persons I know or have known describe their opinion in order to determine if they are in the company of 'their tribe' or not. Agreement isn't necessarily a tribe-member-qualification; acceptance, however, is.
Just like a group, I do this with myself, internally -the parts of me I accept, and the parts of me that I reject. Making connections is as much an internal journey as an external journey. Perhaps introverted vs gregarious should be revised to how much of each ingredient equals connection; what's your ratio? What's my ratio? How do I connect with myself and others in a way that creates beautiful energy for everyone?
Kerstin
In quiet ways we seek meaning and understanding; in louder ways we seek those who seem to understand and be interested in our journey. They're not so distant, introspection and gregariousness. Even the most opinionated persons I know or have known describe their opinion in order to determine if they are in the company of 'their tribe' or not. Agreement isn't necessarily a tribe-member-qualification; acceptance, however, is.
Just like a group, I do this with myself, internally -the parts of me I accept, and the parts of me that I reject. Making connections is as much an internal journey as an external journey. Perhaps introverted vs gregarious should be revised to how much of each ingredient equals connection; what's your ratio? What's my ratio? How do I connect with myself and others in a way that creates beautiful energy for everyone?
Kerstin
Friday, November 15, 2013
coffee & questions
Will solitude be quite different in unfamiliar yet beautiful surroundings? I wonder this as I sit with coffee and pen in hand this morning. I know solitude; I crave solitude; and I create solitude in chunks of time most days. There is a lovely stillness and quiet as I work focused only on the task I am involved in. I am filled and satisfied by creating beauty. No television, no radio, my quiet only interrupted these days by the heater kicking on to keep me comfortable as I work. It is enough to explore my thoughts as they occur, wondering to myself the mundane; how does one peel a pumpkin? To the more introspective; will the eventual wearer of this piece of jewelry feel my joy, my love in creating it?
I wonder when I am walking on the Camino, will my internal experiences be similar to this, the mundane and introspective coexisting together in a peaceful harmony, in the call and response of my experience as a human being? More to the point, will my Self be up to the task of focusing on putting one foot in front of the other for miles each day and still be able to mine through the grit of my heart and soul to find the gemstones?
Kerstin
I wonder when I am walking on the Camino, will my internal experiences be similar to this, the mundane and introspective coexisting together in a peaceful harmony, in the call and response of my experience as a human being? More to the point, will my Self be up to the task of focusing on putting one foot in front of the other for miles each day and still be able to mine through the grit of my heart and soul to find the gemstones?
Kerstin
Monday, November 4, 2013
resistance
There is an action thought about but not taken; one then ten, one hundred, then one thousand. The big life mission continues to evade us because it feels too big; it also causes emotional strife because we know that we aren't doing what we are here on this earth to do. I'm not sure if there is any human being that isn't touched by this force, this resistance that I think we are seldom really aware of. The mission can be to touch one other life with one's actions; or it could be to touch countless lives with one's actions. Collectively we are good at ideas and not as good at action.
Maybe this applies to you; maybe it doesn't. I know it applies to me in so many arenas. I am more peaceful and calm and artistically engaged when my house is neat and clean. Cleaning The Entire House before I can begin to create art is often intimidating not to mention frustrating. When I let my frustration grow, I grow still, then don't clean or create. When I start with one little thing; I'm just going to put these dishes away..... It almost always leads to one more little thing; I'll just sweep the kitchen floor.....before I know it, I have a load in the washing machine, a clean kitchen, and then -soon - I am in my studio -creating. And then I feel the bliss of who I am.
One action stirs another. One melody provokes harmony. One kind word leads to a kind reaction. Putting my tennis shoes on starts a walking journey. Writing a letter to a friend leads to calling another; soon I am connecting and plugging in to the relationships that make my life beautiful. How many beautiful moments have I shared with my musical friends and family when one person strummed a guitar or sat down at the piano and started a simple song and one by one, others join in with other instruments, percussion, and voice to create something that in the moment is beautiful and complete? One right action breaks resistance and we get going; we get started; we magically forget about the Entire Thing as something too hard to have or create and begin creating it step by willful step. The smallest action leads to thousands of actions that build a life and it's mission. Why is that sometimes so hard to get started on? We might never understand this resistance, but it can be overcome.
Yesterday I heard the short and powerful phrase: Do The Work. I've been ruminating on the phrase ever since. Everything started, completed, created begins and ends this way - with one action. Action trumps resistance, and we just need to be the tiniest bit stronger than resistance. Resistance- that powerful force - will always be, and we might need to start over every single day - with one right action.
Kerstin
Maybe this applies to you; maybe it doesn't. I know it applies to me in so many arenas. I am more peaceful and calm and artistically engaged when my house is neat and clean. Cleaning The Entire House before I can begin to create art is often intimidating not to mention frustrating. When I let my frustration grow, I grow still, then don't clean or create. When I start with one little thing; I'm just going to put these dishes away..... It almost always leads to one more little thing; I'll just sweep the kitchen floor.....before I know it, I have a load in the washing machine, a clean kitchen, and then -soon - I am in my studio -creating. And then I feel the bliss of who I am.
One action stirs another. One melody provokes harmony. One kind word leads to a kind reaction. Putting my tennis shoes on starts a walking journey. Writing a letter to a friend leads to calling another; soon I am connecting and plugging in to the relationships that make my life beautiful. How many beautiful moments have I shared with my musical friends and family when one person strummed a guitar or sat down at the piano and started a simple song and one by one, others join in with other instruments, percussion, and voice to create something that in the moment is beautiful and complete? One right action breaks resistance and we get going; we get started; we magically forget about the Entire Thing as something too hard to have or create and begin creating it step by willful step. The smallest action leads to thousands of actions that build a life and it's mission. Why is that sometimes so hard to get started on? We might never understand this resistance, but it can be overcome.
Yesterday I heard the short and powerful phrase: Do The Work. I've been ruminating on the phrase ever since. Everything started, completed, created begins and ends this way - with one action. Action trumps resistance, and we just need to be the tiniest bit stronger than resistance. Resistance- that powerful force - will always be, and we might need to start over every single day - with one right action.
Kerstin
Wednesday, October 30, 2013
nuance
I do not want to get into the habit of using this lovely blogging area as a place in which to vent and bitch on a regular basis - and I apologize for needing to write this particular blog. It was in the way of all of the other things I am interested in writing about and hopefully my acknowledgement will clear my path, so to speak. ~ Kerstin
I've found myself agitated and repelled by debate on a national and international level for some time now, often remarking to my husband that I'm ready to sell everything and move to another location, another country, a simpler way of existence. My rational mind knows that no matter where one stores their material possessions and lays their head at night, there will be issues and conflict; my heart and soul are heavily weighted by right/wrong conversations or even brash arguments all around me regarding all sorts of challenges this nation and our entire earth faces. Dinner or drinks with friends, liberal, conservative and right winger friends (and all in between) spouting all over facebook - it's everywhere and I'm tired of it. It opens up the gate for invisible fear over many things far beyond my control and interferes with loving and feeling loved.
When did we forget about nuance? When did we begin to lose sight of the large and continually shape-shifting area of grey that subtly and gracefully connects rather than polarizes us as humans? Nuance helps us to bridge some of the gap when we search for answers to great challenges. It's so disheartening to listen to or read about radical my-way-or-the-highway thinking. There is good in the worst circumstances; there is bad in the best circumstances; and always there will be. I believe that in the grey matter lies the provocative path to compassion, to understanding, to harmony and finding humility and compromise.
On a personal level, I see myself withdrawing from some topics even with people very close to me on the basis of this. No nuance = little or no compassion. No nuance = no attempt at understanding. No nuance = I'm not very interested. And this is the saddest part. It creates an additional divide; a personal as well as ideological divide. Why would I want to spend time debating anything in which my fellow debater sees no evidence of grey matter? Because then it not a conversation in which each party both seeks and imparts greater understanding; it's a lowly and uninteresting who wins and who loses situation. It is no longer the subject matter only - but a study in who is the more gifted debater; therefore the subject matter falls by the wayside; an opportunity to learn and grow forfeited for a very short lasting feeling of being 'right'.
Health care, national debt, political party lines, who should resign, be impeached, Fukushima, radical environmental concerns, GMOs, climate change, big, small, short and long wars..... AHHHHHH!!! I want to know how your day was - what touched your heart, what you learned about yourself, how you made even the tiniest wrong right, what you did after you made a mistake to correct it, how you did the right thing even when it was the hard road, what made you laugh, what brought a tear to your eyes....I want to know you better than your ideology. Together, lets explore the mysteries of faith and spirituality, the beauty of this earth, the never ending capacity of Love, the endless ways in which we can be of service to each other. Each of these possesses great nuance and mystery - that, dear reader, is very interesting to me.
Yes, I know, there are some big things that really need to be fixed - and in my humble opinion it'll take a long time to fix them if we continue to write this evolving story only in black and white - we really need mystery and the grey expanse of nuance to find our way to the creative kind of thinking that begins to solve big challenges.
Kerstin
I've found myself agitated and repelled by debate on a national and international level for some time now, often remarking to my husband that I'm ready to sell everything and move to another location, another country, a simpler way of existence. My rational mind knows that no matter where one stores their material possessions and lays their head at night, there will be issues and conflict; my heart and soul are heavily weighted by right/wrong conversations or even brash arguments all around me regarding all sorts of challenges this nation and our entire earth faces. Dinner or drinks with friends, liberal, conservative and right winger friends (and all in between) spouting all over facebook - it's everywhere and I'm tired of it. It opens up the gate for invisible fear over many things far beyond my control and interferes with loving and feeling loved.
When did we forget about nuance? When did we begin to lose sight of the large and continually shape-shifting area of grey that subtly and gracefully connects rather than polarizes us as humans? Nuance helps us to bridge some of the gap when we search for answers to great challenges. It's so disheartening to listen to or read about radical my-way-or-the-highway thinking. There is good in the worst circumstances; there is bad in the best circumstances; and always there will be. I believe that in the grey matter lies the provocative path to compassion, to understanding, to harmony and finding humility and compromise.
On a personal level, I see myself withdrawing from some topics even with people very close to me on the basis of this. No nuance = little or no compassion. No nuance = no attempt at understanding. No nuance = I'm not very interested. And this is the saddest part. It creates an additional divide; a personal as well as ideological divide. Why would I want to spend time debating anything in which my fellow debater sees no evidence of grey matter? Because then it not a conversation in which each party both seeks and imparts greater understanding; it's a lowly and uninteresting who wins and who loses situation. It is no longer the subject matter only - but a study in who is the more gifted debater; therefore the subject matter falls by the wayside; an opportunity to learn and grow forfeited for a very short lasting feeling of being 'right'.
Health care, national debt, political party lines, who should resign, be impeached, Fukushima, radical environmental concerns, GMOs, climate change, big, small, short and long wars..... AHHHHHH!!! I want to know how your day was - what touched your heart, what you learned about yourself, how you made even the tiniest wrong right, what you did after you made a mistake to correct it, how you did the right thing even when it was the hard road, what made you laugh, what brought a tear to your eyes....I want to know you better than your ideology. Together, lets explore the mysteries of faith and spirituality, the beauty of this earth, the never ending capacity of Love, the endless ways in which we can be of service to each other. Each of these possesses great nuance and mystery - that, dear reader, is very interesting to me.
Yes, I know, there are some big things that really need to be fixed - and in my humble opinion it'll take a long time to fix them if we continue to write this evolving story only in black and white - we really need mystery and the grey expanse of nuance to find our way to the creative kind of thinking that begins to solve big challenges.
Kerstin
Wednesday, October 23, 2013
conflict
Conflict is ubiquitous in our lives. Big ways and small ways, short ways and long ways, it's a constant hum in the space of human existence. Should I sleep a little longer; I'll be late. I should say I'm sorry; I'm still mad. I want another glass of wine; I might have a headache in the morning. Too many calories; I really want that dessert. I want to be friends again; my feelings are still hurt. It goes on in every area of life.
I wrote and sent a letter to a woman I've been estranged from for several years ago today. I wanted to say 'sent a letter to a friend' in my last sentence, yet I don't know if that is true today. I still have a refrigerator magnet stuck to the door that she gave to me several years ago that says, " you'll always be my friend, I know all of your secrets". I don't know why we fell away from each other- but I will confess that she was a package deal, and I suffered the other component of the package - never having the cajones to ask for precisely what I wanted; just time with her. So, I guess it was my decision to stray from caring for that relationship the way a person needs to in order to keep a friendship. I'm nervously hoping that we might reconnect, and nervously wondering how I will handle the 'package' if that happens. Conflict.
This past weekend, wrapped in the warm embrace of long friendship, at the beach and away from day-to-day I found myself considering straying from my goal of my Camino next summer. Not straying forever, just for a little bit - perhaps altering my plans to accommodate a getaway with a group of beautiful women that I've grown up with who will all turn 50 next year. Today I finished reading 'To The Field of Stars' by Kevin A. Codd; a memoir of a priest's camino. I cried through the last few pages, and again, could - in detail - see myself walking the pilgrimage. Conflict.
The importance to me of a spiritual pilgrimage; self examination, tears, joy, awakening, enlightenment and reflection will never have a 'right' time. Religion has been a second thought for a lot of my adult life -but spirituality has not. It continues to move closer and closer to the prominent thought, the prominent path, and I feel very little conflict in the journey of seeking humility, grace, understanding, peace, compassion, love and joy. No conflict.
I'm not 'un-conflicted' by writing tonight. I'm not sure what my ultimate search is for as I write about conflict. I do feel a bit more peace through examining why I am where am tonight.
God bless everyone, no exceptions.
Kerstin
I wrote and sent a letter to a woman I've been estranged from for several years ago today. I wanted to say 'sent a letter to a friend' in my last sentence, yet I don't know if that is true today. I still have a refrigerator magnet stuck to the door that she gave to me several years ago that says, " you'll always be my friend, I know all of your secrets". I don't know why we fell away from each other- but I will confess that she was a package deal, and I suffered the other component of the package - never having the cajones to ask for precisely what I wanted; just time with her. So, I guess it was my decision to stray from caring for that relationship the way a person needs to in order to keep a friendship. I'm nervously hoping that we might reconnect, and nervously wondering how I will handle the 'package' if that happens. Conflict.
This past weekend, wrapped in the warm embrace of long friendship, at the beach and away from day-to-day I found myself considering straying from my goal of my Camino next summer. Not straying forever, just for a little bit - perhaps altering my plans to accommodate a getaway with a group of beautiful women that I've grown up with who will all turn 50 next year. Today I finished reading 'To The Field of Stars' by Kevin A. Codd; a memoir of a priest's camino. I cried through the last few pages, and again, could - in detail - see myself walking the pilgrimage. Conflict.
The importance to me of a spiritual pilgrimage; self examination, tears, joy, awakening, enlightenment and reflection will never have a 'right' time. Religion has been a second thought for a lot of my adult life -but spirituality has not. It continues to move closer and closer to the prominent thought, the prominent path, and I feel very little conflict in the journey of seeking humility, grace, understanding, peace, compassion, love and joy. No conflict.
I'm not 'un-conflicted' by writing tonight. I'm not sure what my ultimate search is for as I write about conflict. I do feel a bit more peace through examining why I am where am tonight.
God bless everyone, no exceptions.
Kerstin
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