checkmate

Maybe this happens all of the time and I'm just not as aware of it some of the time - the universal dance of synchronicity.  It's cool.  I've planned for months and months for the trip that is a scant 16 days away as of this writing, and recently I've secretly doubted my commitment, my physical ability, my mental focus.... not as in I'm-not-gonna-do-it; more like whoa - I'm almost there and I'm feeling nervous about what I'll find that is outside of my current comfort zone.

I have spent this past weekend happily running my little jewelry booth with a couple of friends helping me at a large annual festival in Fayetteville, NC.  It's a blur of activity: meeting and greeting strangers and old friends alike in a festive environment.  Each year I attend this event, I run into people I truly enjoy and after we share a joyous hug and quickly catch up with the bullet points of each others lives since last year's event, we always say something like - why don't we make time to be together more often?  This year - yesterday - I ran into two particular women I haven't seen in many years - old friends I'd become estranged from for hazy and at this point in time unimportant reasons - and I felt this beautiful surge of love and happiness.  My hands were full of lunch for three from a vendor who had only foil - no bags - and I improvised upon seeing them with necky air-hugs including an air kiss to the cheek since my arms were too employed to use for embracing.   It could've been a tense hi-how-have-you-been now I have nothing else to say, or worse - I see you coming and avert my eyes and pretend I never saw you; instead I felt this surge of happiness as soon as I saw them walking in my direction and I understood without a second thought that there are so many 'stories' that we've convinced ourselves are true yet in the end simply don't matter - it's the story of love matters.  And -  in loving ourselves, we love all and are capable of nearly anything.

Checkmate.

A little later yesterday afternoon I was standing in back of my festival tent - out of view from anyone entering while my friends/helpers ran things, and one of them stuck her head around the back wall and said, "there's a man who wants to meet the artist".  So I stepped back in.  I introduced myself, and he introduced himself and his lady to me.  We talked about my jewelry and he was getting at wanting to contact me for custom work.  I said to him that I would be out of the country shortly til mid-July, lest he try and contact me and find me absent :).  This led to questions, which led to the Camino de Santiago WHICH THEY HAVE DONE which led me to blurt out a very personal question of a perfect stranger - What were your personal reasons for wanting to walk your pilgrimage?  Wait.  Do you mind if I ask you a personal question?  That was totally backwards. ..... Yes, I'd be happy to tell you why.  And he did, adding all of the potential amazing moments I'll have personally, spiritually, and as one sharing the experience with strangers that will become a part of my heart. Looking back, it was as if the Universe conspired to lend it's loving voice to my doubts in such a beautiful, tangible, human and personal way.

Checkmate.

Did I mention I'm leaving in 16 days?  <3

Share your love -
Kerstin

28 days

'You have brains in your head.  You have feet in your shoes.  You can steer yourself any direction you choose.  You're on your own.  And you know what you know. And YOU are the one who'll decide where to go....'  ~ Dr. Seuss

I looked at the calendar tonight and realized that at this very time twenty eight days from now God-willing, I'll be flying over the ocean with my faith, my fears, and my little-ol-backpack for the longest walk I've ever walked :).  I'm ready.  I'm scared.  I'm elated.  I'm curious.  I'm leaving in 28 days!!!!

Thanks for questioning me; thanks for encouraging me.  Just, thanks :)

love Kerstin

thank you

"Thank you frailty, thank you consequence, thank you, thank you silence."  I heard Thank You by Alanis Morrisette the other day and it brought tears to my eyes.  In frailty I've found strength and courage, in consequence I've found commitment and responsibility and I am learning to find more in silence than just peacefulness.   There is an awareness found in silence that lengthens and relaxes my breath; there is a place I've found inside where once in awhile it is possible to stop the endless thoughts of how I can 'improve' and just be thankful to be.

It's a little less than six weeks until I leave for Europe and my camino.  The planning and preparation seem like such a long long time - I'm ready!  I have lists for myself and my pack and more importantly, I have a deep sense of purpose and trust that inspite of my lists I will find what I need and what I find probably won't be carried on my back but in my heart.  I would be lying if I said that I have no fear; I do, and that fear drives me to walk in the same way as desire does.

"Thank you providence, thank you disillusionment, thank you nothingness, thank you clarity, thank you thank you silence"

Peace,
Kerstin